Getting Adults Out Of Their Diapers.

TWELVE AND HOLDING (2005)

I know, I'm on a Renner rampage. However, Jeremy Renner, as epic as he is, is a shadow in the backdrop of this straight-up good movie. The premise follows like this: after the death of his twin brother, one 12-year old boy and his two best friends struggle to get a hold on plots for revenge, their own wild hormones, and unhealthy family dysfunction. It's a dark, intense movie that keeps the viewer in a vice grip of teenage angst and drama. But this isn't about teen pregnancy or the popular cheerleaders in class. Instead, this is one of the few movies I've seen that treats children with the dignity and the respect they deserve. And it's for that reason alone, really, that I gave this one a full five stars, because children are so often swept under the rug in cinema. Steven Spielberg aside, no one seems to really care about what goes on in the mind of a child, unless they can slap a talking dog in it and sell it for millions. Instead, Twelve And Holding gives the children the much-deserved center stage, while the adults take a backseat. 

In order to have a movie like this work, however, you need good child actors who can handle the heavy material, and not cereal box Anakin Skywalker. And, damn, do these kids hold their own. Watch out for these names, because they're going to get a heck of a lot of recognition when they grow up. Conor Donovan plays the ill-fated twins, giving a performance Cate Blanchett would be proud of. Zoe Weizenbaum (stealing the scene from Jeremy Renner) gives a positively fearless performance as the attention-seeking Malee Chuang. And Jesse Camacho pulls off a bold performance and one of my favorite subplots of the movie as he bears the burden of his family's unhealthy lifestyle. All these kids hold their own, and I really don't know what I'm more impressed with: children who can act like adults, or adults who can write like children. Either way, if you can handle the dark side of growing up, I highly recommend everyone check this own out.

"But You Ain't Got No Legs, Lieutenant Dan."

FORREST GUMP (1994)

In the spirit of Mother's Day, I decided to do review of my mother's favorite flick, since she's my biggest fan (how she puts up with the crazy shit I write, I will never know). Still, Forrest Gump just happens to not only be her favorite movie, but one of mine as well. It may not be a particularly deep or visceral movie, but it's just really well done. It's an all around good movie--from the period-appopriate music to the balance of history and fiction to the bare bones of the act structure. The best part about it is, it makes good writing look easy. And, yes, it's one of those movies I could probably recite from memory. 

The real appeal of Forrest Gump, when you get down to it, is the fact that it's a very human story. We believe in all the characters as they appear--from the misguided Jenny (Robin Wright) to the bitter Lieutenant Dan (Gary Sinise), it's hard not to love every character that comes on the screen. And the movie does a good job at making sure each character has an arc that they complete, giving the movie a very satisfying feeling. And then, of course, there's Forrest Gump himself. Tom Hanks delivers what is, in my opinion, one of the best narrations of all time, and gives us a character we can't help but fall in love with. Really, who doesn't want to me Forrest Gump's best friend? Then again, it probably helps that he didn't go full retard. 

TV Trauma: The River.

THE RIVER (2012)

If it wasn't obvious, I'm scrambling to do a massive, massive A-To-Z catch up. With that said, a little something different this time around. The River is a miniseries that came out this year, and when I say miniseries I mean "had a stellar first season with the promising possibility of a second, but since when has TV ever followed through on their best shows?" The thing was, I didn't really expect myself to get sucked into The River. The plot seemed a little cliché at best--when a wildlife expert with his own TV show goes missing, his family trudges through the Amazon to find him. And, of course, in order to fund their adventure through the Amazon, they've made a deal with the producer to go "Big Brother" on them and film every step of their journey. Sounds like a lot of familiar horror movie techniques working at once, right? Wrong. The River was refreshing, clever, and one of the best shows I've seen in a long time.

What really sells this show is its command of suspense. And you know what, maybe a less gullible viewer would've been able to call out all the twists and turns before they happened. But the script is really, genuinely good at slowly building tension. We're going back to the days of Hitchcock, that good, old fashioned suspense that creeps up behind you with an outstretched silhouette of a hand. Instead of relying on clever CGI and shock-value, The River has a solid story. Plus, it made me jump in my seat more than once, and anyone who has watched movies with me will tell you that's a hard feat to accomplish.

Not only do we have a great script, but we have a great ensemble cast. There wasn't a single person I wasn't at one point rooting for in the movie. The characters are all likable, complex, and very, very human. From the claustrophobic camera man, to the even-tempered bodyguard, to the mildly possessed but beautiful mechanic. Our main characters were the family members themselves--Lincoln Cole, played by the underrated Joe Anderson who you might know from Across The Universe, and Tess Cole, played by the intense Leslie Hope. And, of course, the missing man himself, Emmet Cole, who was pulled off by Bruce Greenwood. If the tense, frightening situations don't hook you in, the characters will. There were rumors of a second season, but I highly doubt that will happen. Still, I'm not all that chuffed about it--the first season was a solid, tight miniseries without any fatty, extraneous bits. It didn't wear off its welcome and kept a clean, fresh feeling. If this is all they have to show for it, they already have more than most TV shows can boast. If you haven't seen this one, I highly recommend checking it out. 

"We Thought You Was A Toad."

O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)

Ah, the Coen Brothers. That name is really all you need to say and I'm running to the theaters with my ticket in hand. The Coen Brothers have yet to make a movie that's really bored me to tears. Sure, some are better than others. Some are cleaner than others. But no matter what, they have a knack of making movies that really stick with you. O Brother, Where Art Thou? is a translated version of The Odyssey, featuring three convicts who break out of prison in the 1930s and run away to find an alleged treasure. They meet various folks along their journey, including a man who sold his soul for the guitar, a one-eyed con-man, and Baby Face Nelson himself.

I'll start off with the actors and just say they're all fantastic. George Clooney plays the articulate ring-leader, Everett, and he nails the role. I mean, he's George Clooney. He's always a pleasure to watch. Then we've got the extremely underrated John Turturro, who just looks like he belongs in the wrong end of a jail cell. And Tim Blake Nelson, also underrated, is something of a comic relief as the convict with a heart of gold. It helps that they have a great script to work with, delivering brilliant lines of dialogue one right after the other. Is O Brother, Where Art Thou? problematic as a movie? Sure, the acts don't quite jive, the narrative jumps around a little too much, some solutions are just too "convenient." But have I seen it so many times I can quote it? Yes, yes, I have. If that's not the true testament to a good movie, I don't know what is. 

"Never Fear, Brooklyn Is Here."

NEWSIES (1992)

There is really nothing I don't like about Newsies. It's an underdog story. It's got great choreography and musical numbers. Christian Bale looks like a baby. And best of all, it's set it the best place on earth. New York City. Represent! Newsies is a period piece based off the newsboy strike of 1899. In short, a bunch of young newsboys are tired of getting shafted by the big, bad businesses and go on strike to prove their worth. Complete with ridiculous accents, clever one-liners, and cigar-smoking orphans. It's fun, it's creative, and it's a hell of a catchy tune. Not to mention, it's an epic story. When I say "epic" here, I don't mean, "Whoa, dude, that gnarly wave was epic." I mean it's got the full-on battle with the police, the dance numbers filled with swinging, tapping extras, the whole nine-yards of a grand, musical epic. 

The most impressive part is probably the fact that this movie is chockfull of young faces, yet none of them are annoying. We don't have Anakin Skywalker acting like he's in some cereal commercial. They're all likable kids, not to mention extraordinarily talented. If you're a fan of Christian Bale, you've really got to see him sing and dance his ass off in this one. It will be two hours put to good use. As for the rest of the cast, while the kids are epic, there aren't a lot of names anyone's going to be quick to remember. But we do have a couple well-known adults here, such as Bill Pullman, who I've had a soft spot for ever since Spaceballs (1987). Really, I know he tries to be known as "the president in Independence Day", but he will always be Lone Starr to me. Next up, Robert Duvall makes an appearance, and everyone just loves seeing his face, no matter what role he's in. As for the movie itself, my only real complaint is a contrived romantic subplot thrown in the midst of all that singing and dancing. But I suppose we had to get some boobs in there, or else this would probably be classified as an LGBT film. All in all, excellent movie. So excellent that they've taken it to Broadway, 20 years later. You can bet I'll be waiting in line for that one. That's all I've got for this one, kids, now put an egg in your shoe and beat it. 

"That's it. More. That's Right! I Want More!"

KEY LARGO (1948)

Everyone's had that moment. When you're watching an old movie and the thought runs through your mind: "they just don't make movies like that anymore." That's what Key Largo is. One of those solid, excellent movies that you will be hard pressed to ever see the likes of again. If there was one thing cinema did well up until about the 70s, it was this: stage play adaptions and murder noir. With that in mind, Key Largo really has everything good going for it. The film revolves around Frank McCloud, a WWII veteran who has come to a hotel in Key Largo to pay his respects to the family of one of his fallen war buddies. However, all hell breaks loose (doesn't it always?) when a storm comes through and traps the friends inside the hotel. Along with a band of gangsters waiting on a "special delivery." It's the perfect recipe for a little violence, a lot of excellent script writing, and some wonderful shadows and ambiance. 

And let us not forget the stars. Humphrey Bogart, of course, delivers a solid performance. You can tell when the man's in his element, and this is certainly it. Not to mention the lovely Lauren Bacall, who does a beautiful damsel-mostly-in-distress. The two play off each other wonderfully. But my favorite performance has to fall on the shoulders of Edward G. Robinson, who plays the gravelly gangster Johnny Rocco. If you want to know why people are typecast, this is it. He's short, he's vile, and he's a mean, ruthless gangster machine. If I saw this man on the street, I would probably run very quickly in the other direction. Lastly, I have to give a shout out to the outrageous old folks--Lionel Barrymore and Claire Trevor. Bring it. Key Largo is a straight up classic--if you haven't seen it, what are you waiting for? A stormy night and a nefarious crowd? 

"Clever Girl..."

JURASSIC PARK (1993)

When writing a review of Jurassic Park, it's tempting just to write the word DINOSAURS over and over again with a plethora of exclamation marks and call it a night. But Jurassic Park is so much more than just a dinosaur movie. As if it needed to be more! Really. We all would have been plenty happy with watching dinosaurs run around and eat people for a couple hours. You know you've watched those re-imagined dinosaur specials on The Discovery Channel. But here we have flesh-and-blood human characters, a strong script, solid acting, and a soundtrack that will go down in history. Between the swell of the human, the awe on the character's faces, and the vast landscape as they settle their helicopter down onto the island, there's a moment when everyone watching turns into an ecstatic child. Steven Speilberg, you've done it again. 

I could go on about the actors. About how Sam Neill delivers, and Laura Dern is a badass, and Jeff Goldblum is hilarious and classic. About how Richard Attenborough gives us an amazing John Hammond, and Samuel L. Jackson makes a wonderful computer nerd, and even the children are likable. Or I could talk about how epic the music is, how timeless, how John Williams owns it. Hell, I could even mention how awesome the dinosaurs are, how even the special effects stood the test of time. But the real magic of this movie is the beating, bleeding heart of it. All of the characters have very real, very emotion motivations and aspirations. But it's the awe and wonder they feel in the presence of such awesome creatures like the dinosaurs that really brings us back to what's important--nature is a beast. Life will find a way. And dinosaurs are awesome. 

"And That's The Double-Truth, Ruth."

DO THE RIGHT THING (1989)

As a (now former) resident of New York, I can tell you that nothing brings out the beast of the city quite like a sticky summer day. Add a cast of troubled characters, the smog of racial tension, and a city full of short tempers and you've got a recipe for disaster. Do The Right Thing is an early Spike Lee film that demonstrates exactly how racial hatred can slowly eat the soul straight out of a neighborhood until it is left with nothing but bare bones and smoking debris. More than that, it's about the genuine, salt-of-the-earth people who get caught in the crossfire of battling ideals.

I've spent a lot of time studying the tug-and-pull of the "Martin Luther King Jr. vs. Malcolm X" arguments, and I'll always be hard pressed to say exactly where I fall between the two. Luckily, Spike Lee shares a similar unease and battles it out all while telling a good story. Political messages aside, it's just a good movie. Period. The characters are colorful and crisp, the dialogue hits you with a poetic beat, and it's the perfect blend of art and real life. After all, you can't get to the real truth of the matter without a little fiction, and Do The Right Thing is a perfect example of just that. Spike Lee, Danny Aiello, John Turturro and so many more are fantastically cast and really bring their roles to life. Plus, it has my man Samuel L. Jackson as the smooth talking Mister Señor Love Daddy. I'm sold. 

"I Have To Return Some Videotapes."

AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

If there's anything I love more than a good bloodbath, it's a murderer lecturing about Huey Lewis and the News before cheerfully slicing an axe through his coworker's head. American Psycho gives us the story of Patrick Bateman, a wealthy New York banking executive who wants nothing more than to wear the best suits and go to the best restaurants and own the best business cards. And if he can do it while slaughtering everyone around him, all the better. It's incredibly dark, never skimps on the blood stains, and is riddled with black humor. The frantic comedy is, above all, what makes this a woefully addictive movie, not to mention the namesake for this blog. With its high body count, twisted humor, and scathing social commentary, it's really everything I want out of a movie. 

Above all, I have to give Christian Bale credit where credit is due for this one. He's churned out some great roles over the past twelve years, but I'd still be hard pressed to find anything that tops the fearlessness with which he dives into Patrick Bateman's spit-shined shoes. I don't know what he's channelling, but it comes across as a mix between Jim Carrey and crack cocaine. His energy is through the roof, but he's more than dancing on his toes--it's the subtle expressions that really nail the character, the desperation with which his psychotic inner demons cling for some kind of control seem ever present in his painfully self-aware mask. As for the other characters, he definitely has a terrific supporting cast. Willem Dafoe can't seem to shake his detective's badge, but who would really want him to when he pulls it off so damn well? Jared Leto pulls off a great sleazy business man, and even Reese Witherspoon, a hit and miss (and mostly miss) actress delivers a great, solid performance, no doubt courtesy of the brilliant script. If you've got a sweet tooth for the unapologetically morbid, I highly recommend this bad boy. 

And Don't Call Me Shirley.

AIRPLANE! (1980)

What can I say about this movie except that everything it does it does right? It's thirty-two years old and still one of the funniest comedies of all time. A lot of credit can be given where credit it due--no one can really think about Airplane! without Leslie Nielsen's face coming to mind. His deadpan is hilarious and his comic timing is pure genius. Throw in a dash of Peter Graves and Lloyd Bridges and you've got a stellar cast. But the real heart of this movie is in the script. It doesn't let up on the humor for a second, twisting every line for the end punch. Not to mention the fact that it has a little something for everyone--from classy word play ("A hospital? What is it?" "It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now") to potty jokes ("the shit's going to hit the fan!"). Even if the humor occasionally dates itself, the most prominent example being the "Jive Dudes", watching an old white lady talk "jive" will still never get old. Airplane is truly a comedy classic that will hold up for all time and appropriate for every occasion (except maybe in-flight). Even the kids have something to learn from it, and if you don't believe me, let the movie speak for itself: