"Never Fear, Brooklyn Is Here."

NEWSIES (1992)

There is really nothing I don't like about Newsies. It's an underdog story. It's got great choreography and musical numbers. Christian Bale looks like a baby. And best of all, it's set it the best place on earth. New York City. Represent! Newsies is a period piece based off the newsboy strike of 1899. In short, a bunch of young newsboys are tired of getting shafted by the big, bad businesses and go on strike to prove their worth. Complete with ridiculous accents, clever one-liners, and cigar-smoking orphans. It's fun, it's creative, and it's a hell of a catchy tune. Not to mention, it's an epic story. When I say "epic" here, I don't mean, "Whoa, dude, that gnarly wave was epic." I mean it's got the full-on battle with the police, the dance numbers filled with swinging, tapping extras, the whole nine-yards of a grand, musical epic. 

The most impressive part is probably the fact that this movie is chockfull of young faces, yet none of them are annoying. We don't have Anakin Skywalker acting like he's in some cereal commercial. They're all likable kids, not to mention extraordinarily talented. If you're a fan of Christian Bale, you've really got to see him sing and dance his ass off in this one. It will be two hours put to good use. As for the rest of the cast, while the kids are epic, there aren't a lot of names anyone's going to be quick to remember. But we do have a couple well-known adults here, such as Bill Pullman, who I've had a soft spot for ever since Spaceballs (1987). Really, I know he tries to be known as "the president in Independence Day", but he will always be Lone Starr to me. Next up, Robert Duvall makes an appearance, and everyone just loves seeing his face, no matter what role he's in. As for the movie itself, my only real complaint is a contrived romantic subplot thrown in the midst of all that singing and dancing. But I suppose we had to get some boobs in there, or else this would probably be classified as an LGBT film. All in all, excellent movie. So excellent that they've taken it to Broadway, 20 years later. You can bet I'll be waiting in line for that one. That's all I've got for this one, kids, now put an egg in your shoe and beat it. 

Fassbender Snuggles A Bear Cub For 2 Hours.

A BEAR NAMED WINNIE (2004)

A good reprieve from American Psycho, no? A Bear Named Winnie delves into the origins of the bear that inspired Winnie The Pooh, a bear named Winnie who was adopted by a World War I army veterinarian, an ultimately won over (most of) the infantry. In short, A Bear Named Winnie is what happens when you feel like doing your history on Michael Fassbender and realize that this one is an instant watch on Netflix. I'm assuming the target audience encompasses young children and their tired mothers looking for a little more eye-candy than The Hunchback Of Notre Dame has to offer, so with that in mind, I'm fully aware that I fall outside this movie's spectrum. However, I have to give it points for trying. Credit where credit is due, there have been worse movies for children dedicated to animals, which can be summed up in "animals do silly animal things for 90 minutes straight." At very least, this movie has a World War I backdrop. Which makes for good bromances and vague moral queries. It also makes for a hardass commanding officer antagonist, who is always over the top but necessary for movies like this.

The highlight, of course, is the bear, Winnie, and Michael Fassbender. The movie really could have been called Fassbender Snuggles A Bear Cub For 2 Hours and I would've been satisfied. Winnie herself is an adorable, lumbering thing and watching her wrap Fassbender in a bear hug sends me into spasms of irrational glee. It doesn't help that Stephen Fry makes a brief but always welcome cameo. Overall, the movie is a happy-go-lucky feel good animal film that never gets too campy nor too Old Yeller style dark, and while it might run a little longer than it has to, it's an entertaining watch for children, Fassbender fanatics, and anyone who stays up at night dreaming about burrowing their face into a mountain of warm bear fur.