"My Q-Bertese Is A Little Rusty."

WRECK-IT RALPH (2012)

It's been a while since I've laughed this much in a movie theatre. And not just the "haha, everyone around me is laughing so I guess I'll snicker" laugh. A genuine, unflattering bark of a laugh. In a place a least expected it: a child's animated movie. To be fair, something tells me Wreck-It Ralph isn't exactly targeting kids. It's a movie about video-games for video-game lovers, a nostalgic parody of those old school games we once loved. The plot runs like this: Wreck-It Ralph, a video game villain, wants more out of life and starts jumping games to try to win a medal and come back a hero. 

And if you didn't spent the better half of your childhood with a gameboy in hand, don't sweat it--neither did I. Yet I still managed to get most of the references and understood the humor. At the end of the day, it's just a well written, solid script, which seems to be a rarity these days. The characters were great, lovable; the writing was interesting and didn't talk down to its audience; and it was just straight-up fun. Of course, I have to namedrop: we've got a lot of great voice actors in this one. John C. Reilly is Wreck-It Ralph, Sarah Siliverman is the not-so-sweet Vanellope, Jack McBrayer is hilarious as Felix, Jane Lynch is flawless as Calhoun, and Alan Tudyk--yes, Alan Tudyk--makes an appearance as King Candy, though it's near impossible to recognize his voice. In short, I know it's easy to chalk this one up as a "maybe I'll see it, maybe not," but I'm here to tell you the answer is yes. You want to check this one out, if only for nostalgic value. 

"Never Fear, Brooklyn Is Here."

NEWSIES (1992)

There is really nothing I don't like about Newsies. It's an underdog story. It's got great choreography and musical numbers. Christian Bale looks like a baby. And best of all, it's set it the best place on earth. New York City. Represent! Newsies is a period piece based off the newsboy strike of 1899. In short, a bunch of young newsboys are tired of getting shafted by the big, bad businesses and go on strike to prove their worth. Complete with ridiculous accents, clever one-liners, and cigar-smoking orphans. It's fun, it's creative, and it's a hell of a catchy tune. Not to mention, it's an epic story. When I say "epic" here, I don't mean, "Whoa, dude, that gnarly wave was epic." I mean it's got the full-on battle with the police, the dance numbers filled with swinging, tapping extras, the whole nine-yards of a grand, musical epic. 

The most impressive part is probably the fact that this movie is chockfull of young faces, yet none of them are annoying. We don't have Anakin Skywalker acting like he's in some cereal commercial. They're all likable kids, not to mention extraordinarily talented. If you're a fan of Christian Bale, you've really got to see him sing and dance his ass off in this one. It will be two hours put to good use. As for the rest of the cast, while the kids are epic, there aren't a lot of names anyone's going to be quick to remember. But we do have a couple well-known adults here, such as Bill Pullman, who I've had a soft spot for ever since Spaceballs (1987). Really, I know he tries to be known as "the president in Independence Day", but he will always be Lone Starr to me. Next up, Robert Duvall makes an appearance, and everyone just loves seeing his face, no matter what role he's in. As for the movie itself, my only real complaint is a contrived romantic subplot thrown in the midst of all that singing and dancing. But I suppose we had to get some boobs in there, or else this would probably be classified as an LGBT film. All in all, excellent movie. So excellent that they've taken it to Broadway, 20 years later. You can bet I'll be waiting in line for that one. That's all I've got for this one, kids, now put an egg in your shoe and beat it. 

Greatest Social Climber Since Cinderella.

EVITA (1996)

One thing you probably don't know about me: I have a very large soft spot for musicals. Blame it on New York and the proximity to Broadway, but there you have it. Another thing you're going to need to know is that I practically grew up on Evita, so like many movies we see and idolize as young kids, this one has a place in my heart. But how could it not? Madonna. Jonathan Pryce. Antonio Banderas (and this is the 90s, so you know he was good). And the music! Even daydreaming about it and I know it'll be stuck in my head for the rest of the week. Oh, right, the plot. That. Here's the thing--I don't know anything about Evita Duarte. Or Argentina in the 1940s. So for all I know, this could be political mashed potatoes. However, Evita still makes a damn good movies about a strong female protagonist with less than savory means of getting exactly what she wants. Love her or hate her, Evita is a compelling character, and Madonna holds her own playing the manipulative leader. Which is impressive, considering the fact that on the other end of the boxing ring stands Antonio Banderas, playing none other than Che Guevara. It's a cast of powerful characters and powerful actors, neither of which are bound to leave your memory any time soon. 

The thing about Evita is that it's an old-school musical/movie. Which means this: they don't pepper in a couple songs here and there when it seems like a good time to sing. The music to dialogue ratio in this film is like putting an elephant up against a mouse--it's just not a fair fight. Some might like that, other might find it out of place--I personally am a sucker for musical movies that don't stop singing. Lastly, I have to give a shout out to Jonathan Pryce. From Brazil (1985) to Carrington and somehow he still lands roles like "the old, boring dad in Pirates Of The Caribbean." He's an extraordinarily talented and underrated actor, and definitely holds his own in Evita. Not to mention, he's got a gorgeous voice. So, if you're looking for a little music in your life and want to learn some history while you're at it, I highly recommend checking this one out. Just don't put it on me if you wake up rolling your rs. 

Fassbender Snuggles A Bear Cub For 2 Hours.

A BEAR NAMED WINNIE (2004)

A good reprieve from American Psycho, no? A Bear Named Winnie delves into the origins of the bear that inspired Winnie The Pooh, a bear named Winnie who was adopted by a World War I army veterinarian, an ultimately won over (most of) the infantry. In short, A Bear Named Winnie is what happens when you feel like doing your history on Michael Fassbender and realize that this one is an instant watch on Netflix. I'm assuming the target audience encompasses young children and their tired mothers looking for a little more eye-candy than The Hunchback Of Notre Dame has to offer, so with that in mind, I'm fully aware that I fall outside this movie's spectrum. However, I have to give it points for trying. Credit where credit is due, there have been worse movies for children dedicated to animals, which can be summed up in "animals do silly animal things for 90 minutes straight." At very least, this movie has a World War I backdrop. Which makes for good bromances and vague moral queries. It also makes for a hardass commanding officer antagonist, who is always over the top but necessary for movies like this.

The highlight, of course, is the bear, Winnie, and Michael Fassbender. The movie really could have been called Fassbender Snuggles A Bear Cub For 2 Hours and I would've been satisfied. Winnie herself is an adorable, lumbering thing and watching her wrap Fassbender in a bear hug sends me into spasms of irrational glee. It doesn't help that Stephen Fry makes a brief but always welcome cameo. Overall, the movie is a happy-go-lucky feel good animal film that never gets too campy nor too Old Yeller style dark, and while it might run a little longer than it has to, it's an entertaining watch for children, Fassbender fanatics, and anyone who stays up at night dreaming about burrowing their face into a mountain of warm bear fur.

And Don't Call Me Shirley.

AIRPLANE! (1980)

What can I say about this movie except that everything it does it does right? It's thirty-two years old and still one of the funniest comedies of all time. A lot of credit can be given where credit it due--no one can really think about Airplane! without Leslie Nielsen's face coming to mind. His deadpan is hilarious and his comic timing is pure genius. Throw in a dash of Peter Graves and Lloyd Bridges and you've got a stellar cast. But the real heart of this movie is in the script. It doesn't let up on the humor for a second, twisting every line for the end punch. Not to mention the fact that it has a little something for everyone--from classy word play ("A hospital? What is it?" "It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now") to potty jokes ("the shit's going to hit the fan!"). Even if the humor occasionally dates itself, the most prominent example being the "Jive Dudes", watching an old white lady talk "jive" will still never get old. Airplane is truly a comedy classic that will hold up for all time and appropriate for every occasion (except maybe in-flight). Even the kids have something to learn from it, and if you don't believe me, let the movie speak for itself: