"Hush. The Devil Will Hear You."

DEADFALL (2012)

Keep up your everything, good sir.

The more I get into film--and I mean, really into film, dissecting films, writing films, reviewing films--the harder it gets to sit back and just enjoy a movie. It's Einstein's Law of Lovability, you take apart the things you love too much, and eventually you leave every theatre going, "It was great! But...[enter itemized minor nit-picky complaints for the next thirty minutes]." So it's rare a movie can draw me in, really draw me in, to the point where I stop critiquing and remember why I love movies so much in the first place.

Because they're just a hell of a lot of fun. 

Deadfall is just that. It's not a particularly perfect movie by any means. You're not going to finish it with a great philosophical weight lifted off your chest. But it's a fun, shameless movie about two quasi-incestual (aw, who are we kidding, they got all up in the incest) felons (Eric Bana and Olivia Wilde) who are on the fun from the cops. It's also about a cop (Kate Mara) with feminine issues (and it has nothing to do with her tampon) and a recently-released prisoner (Charlie Hunnam) who's dead set on avoiding his father for Thanksgiving. Basically, everyone's got a chip on their shoulder and, spoiler alert, everyone will have to very directly confront their shit in the third act. So maybe it gets a little heavy-handed by the end, and maybe some characters were redeemed that shouldn't have been, and maybe the CGI snow fell a little too awkwardly...

Whoops, there I go, critiquing again. The point is, while watching this movie, it's very easy to get sucked into the internal drama and--let's say it like it is--general fucked-upness of all the characters. Really, the main draw of the film is one Eric Bana, who plays the wild-card brother who will kill, threaten, and generally do what he has to in order to protect him and his sister (y'know, as long as no little kids are involved). He's a great, well-written character who keeps you engaged in his own internal demons throughout the entire movie; plus, I just really enjoy watching Eric Bana be a resourceful and mildly-sadistic fuck. The movie's honestly not that long (a clean 95 minutes) and it's on Netflix, so there's really no good reason not to watch it. Just sit back, turn off your brain, and enjoy a little good, solid, murderous fun. 

P.S.: This should also be known as the one time Olivia Wilde's face did not annoy me. And by "face," I mean "legs."

"He Doesn't Want Us To Cut Through Our Chains."

SAW (2004)

So here's the thing. I actually avoided this one when it came out. I couldn't tell you why. Probably because it was around the time when the theaters were infested with plotless gore and I was over it. I was getting sick and tired of the same "rotting" green filter and the same heavy breathing in the microphone. So I skipped this one. For much too long. Finally, I sat down to see it. And I'll be the first to say it: I was wrong. 

The brilliance of Saw is that it's just a straight-up good movie. There's a good deal of gore, sure, but that's nothing compared to the mindfuck that this movie puts you through every time Jigsaw gets another victim under his grasp. We have our killer, our hero, we even have the obsessive cop with a chip on his shoulder. It's all the makings of a good, physiological thriller. The acting is, for the most part, pretty solid, and it helps that Ben makes an appearance. It puts a lot of twists on what you expect from a horror film and constantly ups the ante. Case in point: tired of the one man fumbling through his dark apartment to avoid a hidden assailant? Try a photographer fumbling through his apartment, constantly flashing pictures to give himself some makeshift light. Brilliant. The music is epic, the pacing is great, I really have no complaints with the movie as it is. 

Of course, one of my favorite things about Saw is how simple it is. The majority of the movie just focuses on two guys in a filthy room. It was created by two film students straight out of school who wanted to make something low-budget and brilliant. Honestly, it doesn't get better than that. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a Cinderella story that ends in a jaw-splitting torture helmet. 

I'm probably the last person on earth to see this movie, so I highly doubt I have to recommend this one to anyone. Onto the rest of the series! 

"How Pregnant Did You Get That Girl's Mouth?"

MAGIC MIKE (2012)

This is just going to have to be one of those movies I enjoyed much more than I wanted to. Really, I figured it'd be worth the ticket price for the cat-calling alone. After all, how many movies really bring out the fat construction worker in drunk and happy women? But once we got passed Channing Tatum's ass and a couple dance numbers, something truly weird started to happen. I began--ye gods--to actually enjoy myself! And it wasn't because I'm a bad lesbian. It's because it's actually a damn solid movie. 

Let's look at the facts. Channing Tatum, before his claim to fame on screen, used to strip for money. So he wanted to make a down-to-earth movie about the industry of male stripping. And then the plot bunny fell into the lap of Steven Soderbergh. Done. Let's face it, Soderbergh knows how to do bromances. And that was, essentially, the heart of this movie. A great bromance between Master Stripper Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) and his padawan stripper Adam (Alex Pettyfer). And then there's the tug-and-pull of drugs, sex, and partying way too hard. All the elements are there. The actors are all fantastic (and can do crazy things with their hips). The stripper clan, consisting of Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Adam Rodriguez, and Kevin Nash were all fantastic. But three main characters really held their own--Channing Tatum was a great, charismatic Magic Mike, Alex Pettyfer actually proved to me that he could act, and Cody Horn pulled off a very organic, believable over-protective sister. And, of course, props have to be given to Matthew McConaughey. That man had a bad habit of rubbing me the wrong way but when he lets go and stops taking himself so seriously...he can pull it off. 

I should stop there. I should. But I feel a feminist rant coming on. Nothing wrong with Magic Mike itself--in fact, they did a great job with their female characters. They had a good mix of all kinds of women--bimbos, drug addicts, but also strong, solid-on-their-feet women. Yeah, it was nice to see the female character telling her man to "shut up and look pretty." A little change of pace for Hollywood. My bone to pick has nothing to do with this movie...rather, with these types of movies. Movies about male sexuality. My problem is they're always so fucking good. We've got 8 1/2, Boogie Nights, Shame and now Magic Mike. Really good, solid movies that explore psychological issues and lots of bromance. So what have women got? Burlesque? If this is the best we can do, shoot me now. 

This is my long way of saying: good movie, check it out. And if you don't check it out, look for the soundtrack. Damn catchy tunes.

Getting Adults Out Of Their Diapers.

TWELVE AND HOLDING (2005)

I know, I'm on a Renner rampage. However, Jeremy Renner, as epic as he is, is a shadow in the backdrop of this straight-up good movie. The premise follows like this: after the death of his twin brother, one 12-year old boy and his two best friends struggle to get a hold on plots for revenge, their own wild hormones, and unhealthy family dysfunction. It's a dark, intense movie that keeps the viewer in a vice grip of teenage angst and drama. But this isn't about teen pregnancy or the popular cheerleaders in class. Instead, this is one of the few movies I've seen that treats children with the dignity and the respect they deserve. And it's for that reason alone, really, that I gave this one a full five stars, because children are so often swept under the rug in cinema. Steven Spielberg aside, no one seems to really care about what goes on in the mind of a child, unless they can slap a talking dog in it and sell it for millions. Instead, Twelve And Holding gives the children the much-deserved center stage, while the adults take a backseat. 

In order to have a movie like this work, however, you need good child actors who can handle the heavy material, and not cereal box Anakin Skywalker. And, damn, do these kids hold their own. Watch out for these names, because they're going to get a heck of a lot of recognition when they grow up. Conor Donovan plays the ill-fated twins, giving a performance Cate Blanchett would be proud of. Zoe Weizenbaum (stealing the scene from Jeremy Renner) gives a positively fearless performance as the attention-seeking Malee Chuang. And Jesse Camacho pulls off a bold performance and one of my favorite subplots of the movie as he bears the burden of his family's unhealthy lifestyle. All these kids hold their own, and I really don't know what I'm more impressed with: children who can act like adults, or adults who can write like children. Either way, if you can handle the dark side of growing up, I highly recommend everyone check this own out.

"I'm A Killer...Like You."

DAHMER (2002)

So I finally got around to seeing The Avengers (2012). Which left me, like everyone else, teeming with Avenger fever. So I did the next logical step: I set out to hunt down the Avengers cast on Netflix and see if I could find anything to take the edge off. So I popped in Dahmer. Let's just say I couldn't get further from Hawkeye if I tried. Dahmer is a retelling of the life of Jeffrey Dahmer, a serial killer who murdered 17 men. And occasionally raped them and ate their flesh. Sounds horrifying? It is. Though now have a good theory about where Joss Whedon's Reavers came from.

Dahmer is one of those high-profile stories that demands an audience. However, it's clear that this was the only thing the writers banked on when doing the script. The movie has two timelines running simultaneously alongside each other. Moving forward, we have Jeffrey Dahmer grooming his latest victim--a flashy, flamboyant black man, Rodney. Told in reverse, we have the story of how Jeffrey Dahmer became the psychopath he is. In theory, this kind of storytelling should work, but the transitions are a little too sloppy. We've got flashbacks in flashbacks. Yeah. That.

However, Dahmer has a couple saving graces. The story is twisted and intense. Jeffrey Dahmer is neither demonized or forgiven. But the real reason to see this movie? The acting. After watching Jeremy Renner pull off the calm, rational Hawkeye, you really get the full extent of his acting abilities when you see him as the socially inept, mentally damaged Dahmer. Matching him frame-for-frame is Artel Great, who plays Rodney. Artel Great is full of energy and vibrance and he adds a layer of much-needed humanity to the film. In short, if drawn out scenes of mutilation and psychological torment don't make you run for cover, I'd recommend this one solely for the exceptional acting. 

Vampire Porn Goes Viral.

QUEEN OF THE DAMNED (2002)

Since I reviewed Interview With The Vampire, I felt obligated to review this one as well. Even though I am aware that it is entirely unfair of me to review this bad boy, since I have read the book by Anne Rice, Queen Of The Damned, and therefore I hate this movie's undead, beating heart. My hatred is blind and complete. I have absolutely no idea how this movie holds up as a movie, that is, on it's own two legs without the knowledge that a much better book came before it. For all I know, this could be an excellent vampire movie. But here's the thing--if you want to go ahead and make your own vampire movie, fine by me. Hollywood is happy to oblige more bloodsuckers. However, if you're going to do a translation of a book, for the love of God, read the source material. I'm looking at you too, Troy. It barely follows the plot of the book, the characters are all turned on their heads, and worst of all, the director doesn't even know how to pronounce major character's names. Not even kidding. Listen to the commentary, he calls the very French Louis "Lou-IS." And my brain all over the walls.

Am I being petty? Completely. But let's look at the facts: enter our main character and hero, Lestat. The self-absorbed Brat Prince of the vampire world. Great. So they've switched up his backstory, but I get it. He has a complicated, incestuous past, and you want to keep him on the sexy side. Fine. But then they go and cast pretty-boy Stuart Townsend, who has a hard time acting his way out of a paper bag. I will give him credit where credit is due--his role as Dorian Gray in The League of Extraordinary Gentleman? Great. I was one of the few people that actually enjoyed that movie. Probably because I was just tickled by the irony of the fact that Dorian Gray was a lot more like Lestat than Queen Of The Damned's Lestat ever was. 

Moving on--Aaliyah, who played the man-hating ancient Queen Akasha, was actually one of the few enjoyable parts of the movie. She's got that whole vampire swag going on, so I can appreciate that. And she's just as campy and creepy as she needs to be. Fine by me. But then we move to the next in line female protagonist--Jesse Reeves, played by Marguerite Moreau. Jesse was an annoying little Mary Sue in the books, and she's an even more irritating annoying little Mary Sue in the movie. And she ruined a perfectly good gay romance. There is nothing I like about Jesse. The last actor I'll mention is Vincent Perez, who played Lestat's...maker (it hurts me just to say that), Marius. Aaliyah aside, Marius was the best part of the movie. Hands down. He was completely insane and flamboyant in all the right places. You go, Vincent Perez. The long and short of it is this: I hated this movie. But only because I have very fond memories of the book. My suggestion to anyone who isn't familiar with the book would be to probably see the movie first. And then you can tell me if it makes a good movie on its own, or you can join me in ceremoniously burning the DVD and scattering its ashes. 

I'll Take The Breast Meat.

PRIME CUT (1972)

Named in Empire Magazine as one of the 20 Greatest Gangster Movies You've Never Seen* (*Probably), Prime Cut happens to also be one of the strangest movies you've never seen. The plot runs something like this: a Chicago mob enforcer is sent to Kansas City to settle a debt with a cattle rancher who not only grinds his enemies into sausage, but sells women as sex slaves. Or at least, that's what IMDB tells me. Right. Still with me? Imagine this: an underground barn event with rows and rows of pens, around which ranchers are auctioning off their meat. Only their "meat" doesn't have anything to do with farm animals--naked women lay drugged up in the pens instead, waiting to be sold. If that doesn't catch your attention, I don't know what will.

Lee Marvin stars in this flick as Nick Devlin, the law man who's going to save the day. His archenemies just so happens to be Gene Hackman, the evil slaughterhouse operator called Mary Ann. Because nothing inspires fear and intimidation like a bad guy called Mary Ann. But who are we kidding? Sure, Lee Marvin is the man, and Gene Hackman is fantastic as always, but this movie is really all about the young, half-naked Sissy Spacek. Damn. Is all I can say about that. The ultimate prognosis? This movie isn't for everyone. But if you don't mind a movie with a little camp and color...I'd check it out. If for no other reason than this: an epic chase involving a crop harvester, the woman action house, Sissy Spacek's bod, and everything else that makes this movie completely and utterly shameless. My verdict? Thank god for the 70s.

"The Profile Doesn't Fit The Profile."

MURDER BY NUMBERS (2002)

I just rewatched this movie after having put it down since...well...probably sometime around 2002. And, damn. I forgot what a good movie it was. It's a good, solid movie. Period. It's not just the good actors. Or the insane characters. Or the wild plot. It's the ambiance of the film. The little details. It's the docked boat our heroine sleeps in, the decrepit house the two students work out of, the battle scars under a turtleneck. It has the plot of a Law & Order episode with the undercurrent of an old murder mystery novel. In short, it's everything I enjoy. The main plot runs as such: two bored and morbid students kill a woman just because they can. A detective with a dark and violent past becomes invested in the case when the details start to feel a little too personal. So far so good, right? 

The interesting thing about this movie is it doesn't take the easy way out. It's not a standard whodunit. We know right off the bat who the murderers are. Case closed. The real meat of the movie is in watching the various characters battle with their own demons. The guilty conscience, the paranoid reflex, the itch of things buried right under the skin. And maybe I'm giving Murder By Numbers a little more credit than its due for pure nostalgia reasons. Sure, the ending's a little over the top, it has its campy moments. But there's very little I love more in the world that dissecting the psyche of truly fucked-in-the-head people. Kids who murder because they can...now that's an uncomfortable subject. It's something that makes you squirm the entire movie. Murder without rhyme or reason is just something that doesn't sit well with anyone, and this movie doesn't ever let you off that hook.

As for the actors, this is a throwback. All your favorites of the 2010s before they really hit the jackpot. Ryan Gosling, looking like a baby. All you Notebook fans, check this one out. You will sleep with one eye open. Then we have Michael Pitt, who has always been around by somehow just recently seems to have come into the public eye with Boardwalk Empire. Also looking like a baby. Finally, we've got Sandra Bullock. I know what you're thinking--gag reflex. But I'm one of those people who was actually rooting for her in her earlier years. Let's face it, she had that tomboy with an attitude and a quick tongue down pat. So long as she was playing the rough and tumble characters, I was there with her. Lately, yes. I've avoided her like the plague. But Cassie Mayweather is a hardass on a mission, and there is little I want more in a female detective role. Plus, watching her tumble around with her partner in crime because she has some inner demons to burn is brilliant. She's just a straight up fully fleshed character, and Sandra Bullock pulls her off brilliantly. Lastly, I have to give a shout out to Chris Penn. Because he's in this movie, even if it's only for a couple minutes, and that makes me happy beyond happy. You go, Nice Guy. 

"Tonight's Not Over Yet."

LAST NIGHT (2010)

You know the story. Marriage. Love. Temptation. What is it about affairs that Hollywood loves so much? Still, despite having an all too-familiar plot Last Night is a surprisingly subtle movie about dancing on the tightrope of loyalty. The married couple in question get in a fight the night before the husband, Michael (Sam Worthington), has to go on a out of town business trip with an all too-tempting business partner (Eva Mendes). His wife, Joanna (Keira Knightley), is left to her own devices...which just to happen to fall in line with an old flame (Guillaume Canet). Despite the fact that it's worn and tired ground, Last Night is unexpectedly refreshing. It's a very genuine look into these four characters' lives and never takes sides, giving both husband and wife the opportunities to rise and fall to the occasion. 

Ironically enough, one of my favorite bits of this movie is, in fact, the dynamic between the supposedly doomed couple Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington. They have excellent chemistry together and pull off a beautiful, yet believable domestic couple. Not to mention, their fight is probably the most well-written piece of the whole film. As for the supporting cast, Eva Mendes always leaves a little to be desired (but that's the point of her, no?), while Guillaume Canet plays an excellent charmer (or is it just the accent?). Overall, the script it concisely done, and running a neat 90 minutes it's able to take what it came for and catch the next flight out in the morning. 

"Still whining, Louis?"

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994)

A confession. I'm a big Anne Rice fan. And when I say "I'm a big Anne Rice fan", I mean "I'm a big fan of her early work, before she rediscovered religion and subsequently fell off her rocker". Not to say there's anything bad about rediscovering faith...it's just that Anne Rice manages to put a psycho crazy spin on everything she does. That aside, Interview with the Vampire is a genuinely good book. It's got a truly creepy gothic tone, it deals with complicated moral issues, and the vampires don't sparkle. If you want a good gothic novel--Dracula style--I'd highly recommend picking Interview up. As for the rest of the series, well, it's enjoyable, but it's also a fascinating peak into the steady decline of Anne Rice's sanity. All that said, I was reluctant to see the movie. Especially with Tom Cruise's name tagged along in it. The skeptic in me told me to stay away, but the curious cat in me had to check it out. And let me tell you: worth it. Ten times over. 

The real master in this movie is Neil Jordan. Hands down. He collaborated with the author to get a good script, and then he delivered. Lord of the Rings aside, Interview with the Vampire has to be the best book-to-movie translation I've ever seen. Forget the fact that he alters a couple scenes--that's expected in these kind of deals. What is really impressive is the fact that Neil Jordan manages to translate the tone of the book. The rich, gothic, New Orleans atmosphere. He nails it. Completely. I've seen movies that have managed to do relatively good successful translations of book-to-movie by simply keeping in as much of the book as they can. And sure, I can respect that. But to capture the actual ambience of the book? The heart and soul of the narration? That's a heavy rabbit to pull of the hat, and Neil Jordan makes it look easy. 

Lastly, of course, I have to give props to the actors. I don't know what it is--maybe it's Neil Jordan being awesome again, maybe it's the 90s, maybe it's just the material--but every one of these actors literally disappears inside their roles. Brad Pitt. Huge name, right? You'd recognize him anywhere. Well, maybe not playing the brooding Louis, with his hopeless, passive attitude towards life and his mournful green eyes. Even Antonio Banderas, despite his accent that always sticks out like a sore thumb, blends in completely with the velvet drapes and haunting candelabras. But, amidst all that talent, there are two actors that really steal the show. Tom Cruise and Kristen Dunst. The last two names you would expect on that list, right? Well, let me put it this way: Kristen Dunst was about 10 at the time, and I still think it was the best role of her career. She's one frightening and manipulative little girl. And Tom Cruise as Lestat? Homeboy nails it. Does it help that the character is narcissistic, arrogant, and controlling? Probably. But it's more than that. Tom Cruise plays the colorful and vibrant exterior of the character...as well as the damaged and insecure interior. The chemistry between Cruise and Dunst is killer. Literally. To wrap this bad boy up: if you're looking for a vampire movie with a little less sparkle and a little more awesome, check this one out. 

Move Aside, Chris Hansen.

HARD CANDY (2005)

You know the lecture. We've all heard it at one point in our lives since the invention of the world wide web. "There's nothing but perverts and pedophiles out there. Beware." And so parents do their best to monitors their children and sleep easy to the sounds of Chris Hansen on Dateline. Everyone's out to kill our children. If it's not the internet, it's the strangers we talk to and the man on the side of the road sticking his thumb out. I don't know about you, but I've always thought the only person more frightening than the hitchhiker with a hockey mask is the driver who's willing to pick up a hitchhiker with a hockey mask. Hard Candy falls somewhere along those lines. It follows the journey of a 14 year old girl (Ellen Page) who decides to finally meet face-to-face the 32 year old photographer (Patrick Wilson) who has been chatting her up on the internet. To say any more than that is really to spoil the brilliance of the movie. What I will say is that what plays out is an intense cat-and-mouse game that would probably put Patrick Bateman to shame. 

The real brilliance of this movie is in the acting. The concept itself is fantastic, but it's the actors who really turn it around. Ellen Page is not the soft little thing you remember from Juno. She's got a multitude of sides to her, and she plays them all with a chilling deadpan brilliance. As for Patrick Wilson, I can't help but like the guy. Between Watchmen and The A-Team, I'm sold. Sandra Oh makes a brief appearance, but for the most part the entirety of the movie focuses completely on the two leads. They not only play off each other fantastically, but are also excellent in their own right. One of the great things this movie has going for it is good, old fashioned suspense. It's the monster behind the curtains that never really shows its face. It's the very visceral feeling of dread as you watch the characters spiral further and further out of control. If you've got a taste for tension and it's been an hour since your last meal, I'd definitely suggest checking this one out.

I Wanna Breach Your Firewall, Baby.

GAMER (2009)

Some movies are best when you really don't know what you're getting into. Gamer is an excellent example of ignorance is bliss. This movie was supposed to be a good date night pick: Gerard Butler for my lady, explosive action sequences for me. Win-win. Never mind that I had the sneaking suspicion in the back of my head that it was probably made for 14 year old boys and it was probably going to end with the hero growling the words: "Game over." The result was...not quite what I had expected. Instead, I got a future, dystopian society with gladiator style fights with a cyberpunk twist. Hello? How did things suddenly get so awesome?

The world is brilliantly done. In this world, everyone is hooked into their own virtual realities. Except virtual reality is...well...real, and the people on the other side of the screen are being forced by mind control to perform lewd and sometimes deadly acts. Think reality TV with guns. In many ways, you can pair this movie off with Hunger Games. But that wouldn't be quite right, because while Hunger Games delved into serious societal and political issues, Gamer was just a lot of campy fun. The fight scenes are fun, the world is epic, and Gerard Butler is everything you want Gerard Butler to be. The noble hero man with a lot of muscle and a little snark in him. Ludacris is in it as the computer hacker/rebellion leader. I really just enjoy his face, so that cameo made me happy. But the one who really steals the show is Michael C. Hall. Playing--what else?--a psychopath. But here he's a psychopath with a lot of money and some tap dance lessons. He's campy, he's sadistic, and he's just plain insane. But so, so much fun to watch. As usual, he steals every scene and owns the camera. If you have absolutely no desire to see this movie, consider it. Consider it solely for Michael C. Hall. Damn, man. Work it. 

"And That's The Double-Truth, Ruth."

DO THE RIGHT THING (1989)

As a (now former) resident of New York, I can tell you that nothing brings out the beast of the city quite like a sticky summer day. Add a cast of troubled characters, the smog of racial tension, and a city full of short tempers and you've got a recipe for disaster. Do The Right Thing is an early Spike Lee film that demonstrates exactly how racial hatred can slowly eat the soul straight out of a neighborhood until it is left with nothing but bare bones and smoking debris. More than that, it's about the genuine, salt-of-the-earth people who get caught in the crossfire of battling ideals.

I've spent a lot of time studying the tug-and-pull of the "Martin Luther King Jr. vs. Malcolm X" arguments, and I'll always be hard pressed to say exactly where I fall between the two. Luckily, Spike Lee shares a similar unease and battles it out all while telling a good story. Political messages aside, it's just a good movie. Period. The characters are colorful and crisp, the dialogue hits you with a poetic beat, and it's the perfect blend of art and real life. After all, you can't get to the real truth of the matter without a little fiction, and Do The Right Thing is a perfect example of just that. Spike Lee, Danny Aiello, John Turturro and so many more are fantastically cast and really bring their roles to life. Plus, it has my man Samuel L. Jackson as the smooth talking Mister Señor Love Daddy. I'm sold. 

Made-For-TV Audiobook.

CARRINGTON (1995)

Carrington is not a movie. It may look like a movie, it may talk like a movie, and it may quack like a movie, but it is not a movie. If you treat it like a movie, you'll get impatient, bored, and confused. Its a novel masquerading as a movie. Carrington traces through the lives of two prominent members of the Bloomsbury Group, a sect of British intellectuals in the early 20th century. It follows the story of Dora Carrington (Emma Thompson) who falls in love with author Lytton Strachey (Jonathan Pryce). One problem: Dora is considered something of damaged goods to be a virgin at her age and Lytton is gay. Their marriage is unorthodox from start to finish as they continuously invite others into their house and bed, yet anyone would be hard pressed to find two people quite as devoted to each other as Dora and Lytton. 

The actors hold their own--Emma Thompson is fantastic and plays beautifully off of the brilliant Jonathan Pryce. The script is untamable, but carries a lot of compassion for its main characters who you can't help but fall in love with. As a film, Carrington doesn't hold up well. It's too long, there's not enough plot, and it has the apperance of being all over the place. However, once I settled into the fact that it was more of a novel than a movie, I was able to let the characters run free at their own pace. I put it down for the night when I felt it wearing a little thin, then picked it up and resumed the next day, ready to explore the next chapter of these characters' lives. In short, Carrington is bit of a tedious movie, but a stellar audiobook. 

"I Have To Return Some Videotapes."

AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

If there's anything I love more than a good bloodbath, it's a murderer lecturing about Huey Lewis and the News before cheerfully slicing an axe through his coworker's head. American Psycho gives us the story of Patrick Bateman, a wealthy New York banking executive who wants nothing more than to wear the best suits and go to the best restaurants and own the best business cards. And if he can do it while slaughtering everyone around him, all the better. It's incredibly dark, never skimps on the blood stains, and is riddled with black humor. The frantic comedy is, above all, what makes this a woefully addictive movie, not to mention the namesake for this blog. With its high body count, twisted humor, and scathing social commentary, it's really everything I want out of a movie. 

Above all, I have to give Christian Bale credit where credit is due for this one. He's churned out some great roles over the past twelve years, but I'd still be hard pressed to find anything that tops the fearlessness with which he dives into Patrick Bateman's spit-shined shoes. I don't know what he's channelling, but it comes across as a mix between Jim Carrey and crack cocaine. His energy is through the roof, but he's more than dancing on his toes--it's the subtle expressions that really nail the character, the desperation with which his psychotic inner demons cling for some kind of control seem ever present in his painfully self-aware mask. As for the other characters, he definitely has a terrific supporting cast. Willem Dafoe can't seem to shake his detective's badge, but who would really want him to when he pulls it off so damn well? Jared Leto pulls off a great sleazy business man, and even Reese Witherspoon, a hit and miss (and mostly miss) actress delivers a great, solid performance, no doubt courtesy of the brilliant script. If you've got a sweet tooth for the unapologetically morbid, I highly recommend this bad boy. 

"Do You Speak American?"

CASA DE MI PADRE (2012)

This has got to be one of the strangest movies I'm ever going to review. Not because of the movie itself--Casa de mi Padre is a relatively straightforward telenovela parody--but rather because my ultimate feelings about the movie were hard to digest. The premise runs something like this: Armando Alvarez (Will Ferrell) is a cowardly ranchero who must toughen up in order to restore the dignity of his family that has been besmirched by his brother Raul's (Diego Luna) drug business. It also just so happens that Raul is getting married to the beautiful Sonia (Genesis Rodriguez), who is also the niece of the Mexico's rival drug lord, the merciless Onza (Gael Garcia Bernal). While there are a good couple gags, Casa de mi Padre is relatively straight-faced and falls back on cheap sets and unrealistic props to hold up the majority of its humor. We get poorly drawn sets, cheap driving backgrounds, and a stuffed, fake mountain lion.

In short, I didn't find myself laughing out loud very often, but here's the thing--I thoroughly enjoyed the story. While it might not have held up so well as a comedy, in the end, it was just a damn fun movie. It was as though, halfway through, the writers forgot they were writing a comedy and instead decided to have as much fun as they could in the telenovela genre. The action sequences were great, the dramatic, nefarious villains were great, heck, I even enjoyed the music. As for the actors, the main draw of the film for me was not Will Ferrell (even though my affection for him grows a little bit with every new comedy, I still have a snakeskin of unresolved bad movie issues to shrug off), but rather his two supporting players--Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. I've been looking forward to a reunion of their chemistry since Y Tu Mama Tambien, and they certainly did not disappoint. Both brought hilarious performances to the table, especially the mighty Onza who stole the screen whenever he was in it. My only complaint was that there simply wasn't enough of them--though the one scene they share in a bar is excellent.

I will take the preemptive measure of saying one thing: I have the vague suspicion that this movie will get quite a bit of slack for its portrayal of Mexico. To which I have only one thing to say: it's called Casa de mi Padre and it stars the very America Will Ferrell as "Armando Alvarez". If you can't find anything amusing about that sentence, you might be offended. However, if you enjoyed the likes of Planet Terror (2007) and can stomach a little satire, I recommend checking this one out.

"Armed With A Stick."

CARNAGE (2011)

Roman Polanski. Christoph Waltz. Jodie Foster. Kate Winslet. John C. Reilly. Sounds great, right? And then you see the plot. Two sets of parents meet to discuss their two sons who have gotten into a fight. Question mark? It's an eighty minute parent conference. It shouldn't be as much fun as it is. But between the great writing and the stellar acting, it's hard not to look away from what, in any other situation, would be a snooze-fest. 

To be honest, since I do love Roman Polanski, I had hoped the script would be a little better than it was. Which isn't to say that it was bad. It was a well done script. But there were bits and pieces--mainly, the fact that it relied too much occasionally on the men vs. women dynamic and a little-too-hard-to-watch vomit scene (there's cringy-but-epic hard to watch, then there's I-need-to-go-home-and-splash-holy-water-on-my-eyes hard to watch. This was the latter). But to be fair, Polanski had a hard act to follow with the likes of similar small-group-of-people-stuck-together movies like Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966), and it's been a while since anyone's been bold enough to take something like that on. 

Still, the main draw of this movie was the acting. Hands down. I've always been a big Christoph Waltz fan, and he definitely delivers as the aloof business man who can't get off his cellphone. His wife is played by Kate Winslet and with her quiet intensity, they make a fantastic power couple. Jodie Foster also gives a brilliant, emotional, hysterical performance, and if I have any complaint about her it's that she didn't get enough time playing off Christoph Waltz as they were both the strongest players in the film. John C. Reilly, ever underrated, appears to be something of the "odd man out" at first glance, but he holds his own and gives a solid performance. All in all, it's a great movie simply to watch fantastic actors play off each other, and it's an easy 80 minutes so it never overstays its welcome. 

And You Thought Godzilla Was Scary?

LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003)

A confession: the first time I saw this movie, I hated it. I didn't want to see it again. Ever. I couldn't understand why there was such a big fuss around the movie. It was slow, long, and boring. But a couple years later, I was strapped to a chair and forced to watch it against my will. Then again, a couple years after that. And finally, after the what must be the third or fourth time seeing it, I'm actually starting to get it. Lost In Translation follows the brief and fleeting quasi-romance of a washed out actor (Bill Murray) and a recent college graduate (Scarlett Johansson), as they both struggle to keep their heads above water in the electric culture shock of Tokyo, Japan. 

The script itself is pretty good and Bill Murray works it well, his comic timing folds in perfectly with the easy, straight-face humor. The characters themselves are nice, dynamic, and human, but I still find myself not able to actually like any of them, with the except of maybe Anna Faris' character who was just too dim-witted to understand her own ridiculousness. Still, despite the faults of this movie, I have to give credit where credit it due--the directing is phenomenal. Sofia Coppola won the Oscar for best directing on this one, and it was well deserved (edit: Sofia Coppola should have won the Oscar for best directing on this one. There I go, thinking the Oscars have a sense of justice again). This movie is a lesson in atmosphere, in camera angles, in tone. Every second you watch it, you feel like you're in Tokyo, you feel the claustrophobia, the headaches, the culture shock. The real strength of this movie also happens to be the one thing that keeps me away from it; it's over ninety minutes of visual jet lag. And so, yes, I have to commend the artistry and the precision that it took Sofia Coppola to keep that vibrant intensity for the entirety of the movie. Truly a lesson in the craft of directing. Now excuse me while I lay down and take a melatonin. 

A Lesson In (B)romance.

Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN (2001)

It's a story you've heard before: two teenage boys with raging hormones persistently try their luck with a woman far out of their league. It's been done before, it will be done again. What will never be repeated, however, is the brilliant subtlety that this movie really rides on. I could count on my fingers the amount of times narration in movies has been done right, and this one would certainly hit high up on that list. The real meat of this movie is in the depth of its characters and the richness Mexico, which may as well be a character in itself.  Diego Luna gives a solid performance as the rich and spoiled Tenoch, while Gael Garcia Bernal matches his performance with his less fortunate best friend, Julio. The dynamic between these boys is so rich and believable that it came as no surprise to me when I found out that the two actors actually had been childhood best friends. But what is really brilliant here is how the politics of Mexico play out between these two boys. While they initially never address the differences in their social class, we do know (via the narrator) that Julio "lighted matched to mask the smell when he used the bathroom as Tenoch's house", while Tenoch "used his foot to lift up the toilet seat at Julio's house." It's a small detail which, in any other movie, might seem like too much information, but here clearly adds a tense layer of economic discrepancy between the two best friends. 

The object of their teenage desires is Luisa Cortes, played by the talented Maribel Verdú. While Luisa is an interesting character in her own right and a good motivating force, it's clear that the movie really belongs to the two boys and their intense friendship. I would call it a bromance, but anyone who has seen the movie will know that even that is being polite. Y Tu Mamá También is more than just a good movie, it's a lesson in the art of subtle screenwriting, proper narration, and natural, genuine character development.