I'll Take The Breast Meat.

PRIME CUT (1972)

Named in Empire Magazine as one of the 20 Greatest Gangster Movies You've Never Seen* (*Probably), Prime Cut happens to also be one of the strangest movies you've never seen. The plot runs something like this: a Chicago mob enforcer is sent to Kansas City to settle a debt with a cattle rancher who not only grinds his enemies into sausage, but sells women as sex slaves. Or at least, that's what IMDB tells me. Right. Still with me? Imagine this: an underground barn event with rows and rows of pens, around which ranchers are auctioning off their meat. Only their "meat" doesn't have anything to do with farm animals--naked women lay drugged up in the pens instead, waiting to be sold. If that doesn't catch your attention, I don't know what will.

Lee Marvin stars in this flick as Nick Devlin, the law man who's going to save the day. His archenemies just so happens to be Gene Hackman, the evil slaughterhouse operator called Mary Ann. Because nothing inspires fear and intimidation like a bad guy called Mary Ann. But who are we kidding? Sure, Lee Marvin is the man, and Gene Hackman is fantastic as always, but this movie is really all about the young, half-naked Sissy Spacek. Damn. Is all I can say about that. The ultimate prognosis? This movie isn't for everyone. But if you don't mind a movie with a little camp and color...I'd check it out. If for no other reason than this: an epic chase involving a crop harvester, the woman action house, Sissy Spacek's bod, and everything else that makes this movie completely and utterly shameless. My verdict? Thank god for the 70s.

"That's it. More. That's Right! I Want More!"

KEY LARGO (1948)

Everyone's had that moment. When you're watching an old movie and the thought runs through your mind: "they just don't make movies like that anymore." That's what Key Largo is. One of those solid, excellent movies that you will be hard pressed to ever see the likes of again. If there was one thing cinema did well up until about the 70s, it was this: stage play adaptions and murder noir. With that in mind, Key Largo really has everything good going for it. The film revolves around Frank McCloud, a WWII veteran who has come to a hotel in Key Largo to pay his respects to the family of one of his fallen war buddies. However, all hell breaks loose (doesn't it always?) when a storm comes through and traps the friends inside the hotel. Along with a band of gangsters waiting on a "special delivery." It's the perfect recipe for a little violence, a lot of excellent script writing, and some wonderful shadows and ambiance. 

And let us not forget the stars. Humphrey Bogart, of course, delivers a solid performance. You can tell when the man's in his element, and this is certainly it. Not to mention the lovely Lauren Bacall, who does a beautiful damsel-mostly-in-distress. The two play off each other wonderfully. But my favorite performance has to fall on the shoulders of Edward G. Robinson, who plays the gravelly gangster Johnny Rocco. If you want to know why people are typecast, this is it. He's short, he's vile, and he's a mean, ruthless gangster machine. If I saw this man on the street, I would probably run very quickly in the other direction. Lastly, I have to give a shout out to the outrageous old folks--Lionel Barrymore and Claire Trevor. Bring it. Key Largo is a straight up classic--if you haven't seen it, what are you waiting for? A stormy night and a nefarious crowd? 

"Do You Speak American?"

CASA DE MI PADRE (2012)

This has got to be one of the strangest movies I'm ever going to review. Not because of the movie itself--Casa de mi Padre is a relatively straightforward telenovela parody--but rather because my ultimate feelings about the movie were hard to digest. The premise runs something like this: Armando Alvarez (Will Ferrell) is a cowardly ranchero who must toughen up in order to restore the dignity of his family that has been besmirched by his brother Raul's (Diego Luna) drug business. It also just so happens that Raul is getting married to the beautiful Sonia (Genesis Rodriguez), who is also the niece of the Mexico's rival drug lord, the merciless Onza (Gael Garcia Bernal). While there are a good couple gags, Casa de mi Padre is relatively straight-faced and falls back on cheap sets and unrealistic props to hold up the majority of its humor. We get poorly drawn sets, cheap driving backgrounds, and a stuffed, fake mountain lion.

In short, I didn't find myself laughing out loud very often, but here's the thing--I thoroughly enjoyed the story. While it might not have held up so well as a comedy, in the end, it was just a damn fun movie. It was as though, halfway through, the writers forgot they were writing a comedy and instead decided to have as much fun as they could in the telenovela genre. The action sequences were great, the dramatic, nefarious villains were great, heck, I even enjoyed the music. As for the actors, the main draw of the film for me was not Will Ferrell (even though my affection for him grows a little bit with every new comedy, I still have a snakeskin of unresolved bad movie issues to shrug off), but rather his two supporting players--Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. I've been looking forward to a reunion of their chemistry since Y Tu Mama Tambien, and they certainly did not disappoint. Both brought hilarious performances to the table, especially the mighty Onza who stole the screen whenever he was in it. My only complaint was that there simply wasn't enough of them--though the one scene they share in a bar is excellent.

I will take the preemptive measure of saying one thing: I have the vague suspicion that this movie will get quite a bit of slack for its portrayal of Mexico. To which I have only one thing to say: it's called Casa de mi Padre and it stars the very America Will Ferrell as "Armando Alvarez". If you can't find anything amusing about that sentence, you might be offended. However, if you enjoyed the likes of Planet Terror (2007) and can stomach a little satire, I recommend checking this one out.